Cyberbullying: a guide for parents to protect and empower their children

Recognising cyberbullying early is crucial to taking effective action and providing support. Because it often happens outside of view—on personal devices or private online spaces—cyberbullying can go unnoticed by parents. By knowing what to look for, you can identify potential warning signs and step in to help your child sooner.

1.1. Emotional and behavioural changes

Cyberbullying can have a profound emotional impact on children, and it often manifests in changes to their behaviour or mood:

• Sudden withdrawal from friends, family, or activities they once enjoyed
• Increased irritability, sadness, or anger without an obvious reason
• Changes in sleep patterns, such as difficulty sleeping, nightmares, or wanting to sleep more than usual
• Unusual anxiety about using their phone or computer, or strong negative reactions to notifications or messages
• Loss of interest in schoolwork or a drop in academic performance

These signs may indicate that a child is experiencing distress, especially if these behaviours have emerged recently and are accompanied by secrecy around digital devices.

1.2. Changes in device usage

Children who are being cyberbullied often exhibit different patterns of device use, which might include:

• Reluctance to use their phone or computer: this can be a sign that they’re avoiding seeing hurtful messages or posts.
• Becoming secretive about their online activity: they might hide their screens or close browser tabs when you’re nearby, fearing you’ll discover the bullying.
• Excessive time spent online, particularly on social media or messaging apps: they may feel compelled to check for new messages or posts about themselves, even if it causes distress.

Pay attention to these device behaviours, as they can provide insight into how a child is coping with their digital interactions.

1.3. Physical symptoms of stress

Cyberbullying can lead to physical manifestations of stress, especially if it’s prolonged or severe:

• Headaches and stomach-aches are common symptoms linked to stress and anxiety.
• Loss of appetite or sudden changes in eating habits.
• Frequent complaints of being unwell to avoid school or social situations.

These symptoms often occur alongside other behavioural changes, indicating a high level of anxiety or fear.

1.4. Avoidance of social situations and school

Children who are being cyberbullied may withdraw from social interactions:

• Skipping school or avoiding classes where they might encounter peers involved in the bullying.
• Distancing themselves from social events or activities they previously enjoyed, like sports, clubs, or friend gatherings.
• Avoiding peers they previously socialised with, particularly if the bullying stems from within their friend group.

Such isolation is often a coping mechanism, as your child may be trying to shield themselves from further embarrassment or harm.

1.5. Sudden change in friendships

If your child’s social circle changes suddenly, it might be related to bullying:

• Breaking off friendships abruptly, especially if there’s no clear reason.
• Engaging in conflicts with friends or consistently arguing with those they once trusted.
• Expressing distrust or reluctance to make new friends, fearing that they might be judged or targeted again.

Ask about any new or sudden changes in their social interactions, and consider whether these could stem from online bullying.

1.6. Self-critical language

A child who is being cyberbullied might internalise the negative comments they’re receiving, leading to:

• Negative self-talk, such as calling themselves “stupid” or “worthless”.
• Unusual levels of insecurity about their appearance, abilities, or other personal qualities.
• Expressing a belief that others dislike them, or that they “deserve” what’s happening.

Such expressions are often a reflection of the bullying messages they’re internalising and can lead to a decline in self-esteem over time.

Step 2: Open a line of communication

Starting a conversation about cyberbullying can feel challenging, especially if your child is reluctant to open up or feels ashamed. It’s essential to create a supportive environment where they feel safe, heard, and understood. Here are some practical tips and conversation starters that can help you approach this sensitive topic.

2.1. Choose the right moment

Timing can make a big difference in helping your child feel comfortable. Choose a calm moment, when you both have time and aren’t distracted or rushed. A car ride, a walk, or a relaxed evening at home can provide a low-pressure setting.

2.2. Be calm and non-judgemental

It’s natural to feel protective and even angry if you suspect your child is being bullied, but try to stay calm and avoid overreacting. Demonstrating a calm and supportive demeanour will help your child feel that they can share openly without fear of upsetting you or getting in trouble.

2.3. Use open-ended questions

Open-ended questions encourage your child to share their thoughts and feelings. Rather than asking questions that lead to “yes” or “no” answers, try asking questions that invite them to tell their story in their own words.

Here are some ways to start the conversation, along with explanations of why they’re effective:

• “I’ve noticed you seem a bit down lately. Is something on your mind?”
  This statement shows that you’ve been paying attention and are concerned, but it doesn’t push them to talk about a specific topic. It leaves room for them to talk about what’s bothering them in their own way.
• “I remember when I was your age, I sometimes had a hard time with friends. How are things going with your friends?”
  By sharing a little about your own experience, you’re making the conversation feel less confrontational. This can help them feel that it’s normal to face challenges and encourage them to open up.
• “I heard from a friend about some kids dealing with mean messages online. Have you ever seen that happen?”
  This is a gentle way to bring up cyberbullying without assuming they’re a victim. It allows them to speak from a more neutral perspective and can lead naturally into discussing their own experiences if they feel comfortable.
• “Sometimes people say things online that they would never say in person. Have you come across anything like that?”
  This approach helps validate their experience if they’ve been hurt by online comments and opens the door to discussing any upsetting things they’ve seen or received.
• “I know that online stuff can get complicated. If anything ever bothers you, I hope you know you can talk to me.”
  This is a reassuring way to open the conversation. It lets your child know that you’re there to support them, without making them feel pressured to share.

2.4. Listen actively and validate their feelings

If your child opens up, listen without interrupting. Show empathy by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and offering supportive statements like, “That sounds really tough,” or “I can see why that would make you feel upset.”. Let them express their emotions fully, even if they seem trivial to you. Avoid downplaying their feelings, as this can make them feel misunderstood.

2.5. Reassure them that they’re not to blame

Many children feel guilt or shame if they’re being bullied, thinking it’s somehow their fault. Reassure them that no one deserves to be treated badly and that they haven’t done anything to cause this behaviour. Statements like “This isn’t your fault” and “No one has the right to treat you that way” can be very empowering.

2.6. Encourage problem-solving together

Once they’ve shared what’s happening, you can gently explore solutions. Avoid jumping straight into advice mode; instead, ask questions that encourage them to think about next steps. For example:

• “What do you think might help the situation?”
• “How would you feel about talking to someone at school or reporting it online?”
• “Would it help if we set some boundaries on social media for a while?”

This approach helps them feel involved in finding a solution, rather than feeling that you’re taking over.

2.7. Let them know you’re there for ongoing support

Make it clear that this isn’t a one-time conversation. Offer regular check-ins and remind them that they can talk to you whenever they need. Statements like, “I’m always here if you need to talk”, or “We can figure this out together”, reinforce that they’re not facing this situation alone.

By using these conversation starters and keeping the lines of communication open, you’ll not only help your child feel more supported but also empower them to share their experiences and feelings, knowing they have a trusted ally in you.

Step 3: Document everything

When bullying moves online, a digital record can be critical. Collecting evidence helps you understand the scope of the issue and may provide a foundation for legal recourse if necessary.

• Save messages and posts: Take screenshots of any abusive messages, posts, or emails, ensuring they include dates, times, and platform information.
• Use reporting tools on platforms: Many social media platforms have built-in tools to report abusive content. Keep a record of your reports and any responses from the platforms.

Step 4: Address the issue with schools or online platforms

Schools and social media platforms have policies to handle cyberbullying, and both can be valuable allies in resolving the situation.

• Contact the school: If the bullying involves school peers, reach out to the school’s administration. Many schools have anti-bullying policies that include cyberbullying if it impacts the school environment. The school may provide additional support or disciplinary actions.
• Report to the platform: Social media sites like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok have reporting functions for abusive behaviour. Reporting an abusive user or specific content can lead to removal of the material or suspension of the account.

Step 5: Seek counselling and mental health support

Cyberbullying can deeply affect a child’s emotional and mental well-being. A mental health professional can help your child process their feelings, build resilience, and develop coping strategies.

• Therapy and counselling: Licensed child psychologists or counsellors experienced in bullying issues can help guide your child through their feelings and rebuild self-esteem.
• Support groups: Joining a support group, whether in person or online, can provide valuable advice and comfort. Connecting with other families who have experienced cyberbullying can be a source of emotional support and practical solutions.

Step 6: Explore legal avenues

Cyberbullying can have serious legal implications, especially if it involves threats or harassment. Different countries have varying laws, but there are often legal routes parents can consider:

• Local law enforcement: Many jurisdictions have anti-cyberbullying laws. Harassment, stalking, or threats can be criminal offences. Reporting cyberbullying to local authorities may lead to criminal charges.
• Protection orders: For severe cases where there is a threat of harm, parents can often obtain restraining orders or harassment orders to prevent the bully from contacting their child.
• Civil litigation: In extreme cases, civil action may be an option for damages caused by cyberbullying, including emotional distress or defamation. Consulting with a lawyer who specialises in digital law can clarify the available options and help you navigate this process.

Step 7: Educate and empower your child on digital resilience

Teaching your child about online safety and resilience is empowering. They’ll gain tools to avoid and respond effectively to cyberbullying in the future.

• Teach digital boundaries: Help your child understand the importance of privacy settings, blocking abusive users, and only interacting with people they trust.
• Model respectful online behaviour: Encourage your child to engage positively online and lead by example, even when facing negativity.
• Build critical thinking skills: Help your child recognise that bullying behaviour is often rooted in the bully’s insecurities and desire for attention, and encourage them not to internalise hurtful comments.

Practical resources for parents

Beyond the above steps, there are many valuable resources for parents to help protect and empower their children in digital spaces:

• Cyberbullying reporting and blocking tools: Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat have help centres and tools for reporting harassment.
• Parental control and monitoring apps:
  • Bark: Monitors social media, emails, and messaging apps for potential bullying, alerting you to concerning behaviour.
  • Qustodio: Allows parents to monitor online activity, set time limits, and ensure safety on social media.
  • Net Nanny: Filters web content, monitors social media, and alerts you to potentially harmful interactions.
• Educational websites:
  • StopBullying.gov: Offers guidance on bullying prevention, recognising signs, and how to take action.
  • National Bullying Prevention Center: Resources for parents, educators, and children to address bullying.
  • Common Sense Media: Tips for navigating digital challenges and protecting online privacy.
• Counselling and mental health support:
  • Headspace: A meditation app that can help manage stress and build resilience.
  • BetterHelp and Talkspace: Online therapy platforms with licensed counsellors specialising in child and adolescent issues.
• Support hotlines:
  • The Trevor Project: Provides crisis intervention for LGBTQ+ youth affected by cyberbullying.
  • Child Helpline International: Offers immediate support and guidance worldwide.

How ITLawCo can help

At ITLawCo, we are here to support families navigating the complexities of cyberbullying. We offer clear, compassionate guidance on the legal options available to protect your child and can assist with:

• Legal advice and advocacy: Our team helps you understand your rights, the rights of your child, and the obligations of social media platforms. From reporting cyberbullying to local authorities to obtaining restraining orders, we’re here to provide practical, actionable support.
• Digital forensics and evidence collection: Effective evidence collection is key in any legal context. We guide you in preserving digital evidence so that it holds up in any investigation or court process.
• Collaborating with schools and platforms: ITLawCo can support you in navigating the processes with schools or online platforms to ensure the bullying is addressed promptly and effectively.
• Counsel on privacy and online safety: Beyond resolving incidents, we provide proactive guidance on digital safety and privacy controls to safeguard your child’s online experience in the future.

Cyberbullying is a difficult issue to face, but you don’t have to handle it alone. Reach out to ITLawCo for the support, resources, and legal expertise to help protect your child’s well-being. Together, we can create a safer and more respectful online world for your child and others.